THINK!

After about 5 1/2 hours of dance rehearsal, I think I've realized that I take everything WAY too seriously. My big goal for the day was to concentrate on myself, my costumes, remembering the choreography, and basically what I was supposed to be doing.
Instead, I did that TIMES 18! NO ONE seemed to remember that we should have brought our costumes and shoes for the "dress rehearsal" today. The idea of having white and black tights, leotard and jazz shoes, was seemingly impossible. Things like, "Should we have a bra on under this top?", "Were we supposed to bring a jacket for this dance?" or "What dance is next?" were posed to me several times as the rehearsal dragged on. I feel like things sort of things should be easy enough to figure out by your self. You shouldn't need to ask someone. Of course you should wear underwear like bras and shorts under your costumes. WHY WOULDN'T YOU?!?!? I for one wouldn't do it unless the choreographer said so. So far no one has said that, so.... Again, WHY??? Not enough that they don't seem to understand basic costume rules, they can't remember the dances. We finished one dance yesterday and one this morning. I feel like I'm the only one who remembers all of them. Everyone asks me to show them what we JUST did or they'll ask questions about something we JUST finished doing about ten times in a row. This is of course because they can't seem to focus enough to pay attention since they must carry an intense whispered conversation in the middle of learning new choreography. It wouldn't annoy me this much if it weren't for the tiny fact that the show opens in ONE WEEK. The overall feeling I get from everyone is that "Let's dance... Oh, let's make a show! Here we go!" and that it will fall into place without them having to think too much. It stresses me out!!
My mom and teachers tell me to chill out and focus on me. I tried! It didn't work so well. Admittedly, it could have gone a bit better if people didn't rely so much on my "mad skillz" for remember EVERYTHING. Oh the other hand, if I didn't volunteer all of my information, then maybe there would be less pressure on me. I don't know...
Thankfully, I'm going to spend most of tomorrow sleeping and doing things completely unrelated to the dance show and school. Complete and utter bliss. Next blog will be about something else i.e. no dance or school. ;)

M♥

Dare You to Move

I can honestly say that yesterday was not one of my best days. Spent most of it lying in bed, feeling miserable and worthless with absolutely no will power. None. Nada. So, in a nutshell: Depressed was the theme of the day. Despite these feelings, I finished another 1,200 word essay that was due today. Now, all of my homeword is DONE! Until next week...

However, today was much better. I had a meeting with Maja and we talked about my issues with getting to school. This is something I really, truly want to fix, but I can't do it alone. It's actually hard to admit that I need this kind of help, but in the end if it can help me find out things about myself, then I'll do it. I'm making progress and I can see it. Before I would just tell myself that it's going to be better, change will come, but I never really believed it. Now i can see it and so can my family. It can only get better from here.

Last night, before going to sleep, I decided to skim through my Bible. It brought such a peaceful feeling, 'cause I kept finding verses that inspired me and soothed me. One in particular, Matthew 6:34, was really reassuring, because I tend to worry WAY TOO MUCH. I want to share it with you.

"So do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will bring worries of its own. Today's trouble is enough for today."

I think it makes so much sense. Tomorrow will come whether I am perfectly prepared for it or not. It is enough just to worry about today. This is just something I have to remind myself everyday.

Another goal of mine is to read my Bible more, preferably everyday. It's fairly relaxing and I think it will bring me closer to my faith. I need that right now, I think.
Anyway, I'll blog more later. :) Maybe, it'll even be happier... who knows?? ;P

M♥

Gravity- stay the hell away from me!

Tonight, I'm tired. Even after a week off from school, I feel like all I've done is homework. Psychology, History, English, oh my! :S Sometimes, I think I need a vacation after my vacation. All I ever do is plan, so school stuff, and dance. In the middle of that, I even try to sleep and eat. Exciting stuff, huh?

Well, my birthday is coming up and it's pretty important. The big 1-8! My theme this year is Black & Gold, a kinda after-party sorta vibe. IT should be really awesome, if I can make it until then. Before the party, I have 2 shows with my dance studio and I'm a lil bit stressed about it. Mostly 'cause I haven't learned all of my dances yet.... But, I take choreography, so no worries, right?

School is crazy with a capital C. With so many different assignments due within such a short time period, you can never really slow down and just breathe. Last week I finished a really big psychology assignment and it was a relief to hand it in today. Everyday this week I have something to hand in, be it an essay or take-home test in history. And all of this was homework for Easter break!!!! Doing all of this homework has worn me out! No time to do anything fun...

I want to focus on myself more in the future. Figure out who I am, what I want, and all that jazz. It's time to "grow up", if you will. This blog is one way to let stuff go and maybe even take myself a lil less seriously. Hopefully, I'll post everyday... or something close to it. This could be good...

Anyway, it's pretty late so, good night, sleep tight!

M♥